the monster inside ([info]monster_side) wrote in [info]crazy_academics,
2005-07-17 04:10:00
  • Mood: blah
  • Music: tool

the intro

ok i know theres like a form, but i don't fully understand it, so ill give the basics as simply as possible

diagnosis: depression, some borderling personality issues, anxiety

meds: 100mg trazodone, .5mg risperdal

history: i can't really remember being happy, things have always been rough. in april i spent six days at Four Winds hospital in saratoga ny, trying to get better. they changed my meds and for a couple weeks i was feeling great for the first time in my life. then i got mono, and its still lingering, and all the happiness went away. im leaving my home town, my family needs to move because of my dad's job, and im pretty upset about it. i dropped out of college in february. after i graduated high school i went to georgia to live closer to my long term boyfriend, and when he dumped me i got wrapped up in a lot of drama and drugs and had to leave school. ive been trying to transfer, and im just too afraid of everything to make decisons about what i want.

thats the short version of it. i dont know if anyone else here has ever dropped out and gone back to school. maybe it will help other to know i go through the same thing, and it can help me to know im not alone in this. has anyone had mono and gotten really depressed?

thanks guys, youre all very brave to me.

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  • 15 comments

[info]androgenie

July 17 2005, 08:40:11 UTC 6 years ago

I dropped out then a couple years later went to a different college. I still have some issues related to being a slightly older student, but I'm better for it. My old GPA when horribly depressed was barely high enough to stay in school....now I might be graduating with highest honors.

Do what you need to survive. Take care of yourself. Find joy in something and stick with it even when you don't want to (I took a dance class....paying for something scheduled helped me immensely!)

[info]monster_side

July 17 2005, 23:08:18 UTC 6 years ago

youre exactly right, i just need to stick with it and do what needs to be done. im sure you understand than when youre depressed, the things you used to love you just dont care about doing anymore.

thanks~

[info]blueloo123

July 17 2005, 12:49:33 UTC 6 years ago

I withdrew from college 3 weeks before I was supposed to start my junior year. I went back to a different school. It was alright, pretty easy and the change was nice. I got mono in March, suckass illness. I can't say I got really depressed, more like I just want to sleep all the time and that sucks. I slept for 18 hours the other day without trying. Just try to take it easy as much as you can. You can have a relapse anytime in the next 6 months. It sucks to not be able to do anything you want to, I can see how that would make a person depressed. Hang in there and I'm here if you need to talk.

[info]monster_side

July 18 2005, 21:18:28 UTC 6 years ago

thank you so much, its really nice to know im not the only one who has thses problems.

i appreciate the offer very much~

[info]neesha

July 17 2005, 17:58:49 UTC 6 years ago

tool is cool
I hope you feel better soon.

[info]monster_side

July 17 2005, 23:03:43 UTC 6 years ago

thank you~ i appreciate the kind words

[info]museumfreak

July 17 2005, 18:21:30 UTC 6 years ago

mono is very depressing. i almost dropped out after mono--i decided to drop out for a whole summer and move to atlanta, but i went back to undergrad and now I'll be at emory for a PhD in the fall. so there is hope!

[info]gerii24

July 17 2005, 18:30:23 UTC 6 years ago

i can somewhat relate. i dropped out as well.. at first it was going to be just one semester of medical leave.. then two semesters... now i'm in the process of transfering to a school closer to home and i'm scared. scared that perhaps everything will just crumble again.

i've never had mono, but that's what my family tells people when i mention that i was hospitalized.

oh, and i moved to georgia too to move in with my boyfriend. that blew up, and then he broke up with me.

*hugs*

[info]monster_side

July 17 2005, 22:55:59 UTC 6 years ago

that is my fear exactly, that i will make the same mistakes and things will be no better at a new school. im afraid that if it happens a second time, no one will be there for me.

when my boyfriend broke up with me, i thought i could stay in GA and make it work. i thought i had made friends and a life there of my own. but really when it all fell apart i knew the only reason i was there in the first place was because of him.

my family told people i had a bad case of the flu. ha!

thanks so much ::return hugs::

[info]sin_nombre

July 17 2005, 19:02:18 UTC 6 years ago

Last semester was teh suck for me; I didn't have mono, but I missed many, many classes (there was one that I may have attended 10 sessions of, if I'm extremely generous) and just felt like shit all the time. Surprise, surprise, it was my old friend depression. I nearly got hospitalized (luck of the draw that I didn't, in a way) and was put on Paxil and felt 100% better...until I saw just how big a mess I had created. I'm still sort of working on fixing it; I owe a paper to the prof who gave me a mercy B- in exchange for a paper done over the summer.

Good luck, you made a better decision than I did, I think.

[info]monster_side

July 17 2005, 23:10:32 UTC 6 years ago

i think maybe being put on something like paxil would get me through this. i need something help me dig out of the hole.

good luck to you too, i wish you the best in sorting things out and getting back on track

[info]indy_skies

July 17 2005, 19:10:44 UTC 6 years ago

i got mono my first year of university and i have always believed that it was what kicked off my first real depressive episode... let me back it up a bit... i'm bipolar, not depressive and i was having my first real manic period when i got mono just before christmas... i came back for my second semester and was severely depressed. the mono stopped everything cold and sent me spiralling downward. now, if you know anything about bipolar disorder you know that that would have happened eventually but it really was the mono that made me switch moods. it's impossible to seperate our minds from our bodies in that respect.

so yeah - it's totally conceivable that your physical illness has you feeling rotten mentally. i think any doctor would agree... that's why we're told to treat depression with fresh air, exercise and a healthy life-style.

oh, and i've dropped out of uni and gone back about 3 times. once you let go of the idea of finishing it all in 4 years (which hardly anybody does anymore anyway) it's easier to deal with. i'll be graduating in april... so if you stumble upon something you really like to study... graduating after dropping out a few times isn't impossible.

[info]monster_side

July 17 2005, 23:01:39 UTC 6 years ago

i know what i want to do, its just really hard to take the steps to get there. and im terrified of graduation...

thank you for sharing. i think i will need new medication too to help me get past this

[info]indy_skies

July 18 2005, 00:07:54 UTC 6 years ago

are you scared of graduation becaue of the ceremony or because of what comes after graduation?

[info]monster_side

July 18 2005, 03:11:54 UTC 6 years ago


the getting a real job and being completely independent part. thinking about these things makes my brain hurt. sometimes i accept it and i think things will be ok. other times i think i should just go live in a hospital forever because i cant deal with the real world.

do people get presetns when they graduate college? cause that'd be kinda sweet.
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